wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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