if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
