I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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