Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There's always time for handjobs
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
