giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
In America we eat man semen.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
