I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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