did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
