from now on my penis is your penis
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
