come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
