I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
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There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Boobs are out for the taking
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
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He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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