I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
