my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
