so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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