dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
