i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
