I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
