I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
