He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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