We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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