so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
