well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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