I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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