i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
