I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
