I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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