I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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