i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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