just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
