You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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