Non-Jews are for practice
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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