dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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