So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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