My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
