Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
