I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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