Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
