She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
