11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
be right there i have to get my cape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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