What did we do last night that was yellow?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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