what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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