Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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