yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
