apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
