I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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