I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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