he shaved USA in his pubs
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
