Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Pooping to opera.
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