No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
