I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
