Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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