i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
