Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
