I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
