She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
