Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
