Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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