I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize