i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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