he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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