cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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