we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
