K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
