I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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