we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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