I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Sober January is a disaster.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
