well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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