Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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