I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize