Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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