Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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