Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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